just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just pee around me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
