I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
