the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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