Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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