I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
