why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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