I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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