I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
