Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
