she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
