i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
