I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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