that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
