My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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