Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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