he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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