I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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