So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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