I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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