he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize