I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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