Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
