I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
there is glitter all over my balls
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