Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
