And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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