sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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