I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
should my penis look like a turkey
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
