Kiss
Puke
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
