two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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