worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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