How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
