I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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