why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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