before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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