What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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