would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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