does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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