North Korea, Best Korea!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You made out with two different species that night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
