Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
