my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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