just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
