this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
