MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
