..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
