imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
