i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
