there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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