He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
