Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
