Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
