I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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