i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
