after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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