he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
