do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
