A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize