I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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