how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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