we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize