I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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