I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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