I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
