If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
