I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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