it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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